You're watching a war film and a hand grenade will go off. She interjects in a knowledgable tone: "they don't explode like that!".

While planning what you need to cook that special meal she'll ask "that vinegar I bought before, is it still okay?" ... "Oh good I thought it'd have turned to alcohol by now..."

Al Pacino takes a gun apart and reassembles it in 30 seconds and she says in a non-impressed fashion, "I can do that...".

You take her on holiday and she goes on a crusade to kill animals, steal fruit, insult the locals ...generally do anything except sunbathing or just sitting around relaxing.

...and ...if there's not another person or dwelling in sight then there's definitely a man-eating tiger in the bushes just over there that's probably been following us around (we're travelling by jeep) the last two days .

Any free time will be spent purchasing snacks ...and occasionally eating them. Great energy will be put into purchasing snacks, she'll walk long distances and occasionally run. Care must be taken to position oneself in a strategic location to be able to spot approaching snack sellers. When mealtime comes she'll order four main courses then pick at each for two minutes and then sit back and say "very full, eaten already".

She doesn't really get to grips with foreign currencies very well but she knows which coins are good for purchasing snacks. When you're receiving your change at the 7 Eleven her hand flies in at the speed of light to pick up the five baht coins to add to he collection... Amazing amounts of energy and planning are put into maintaining this collection of five and ten baht coints.

Just before returning your hire car you have to park next to a skip because her side of the car will be so full of discarded snacks and wrappings.

...you imagine the newspaper reports... "There was a car crash involving two tourists today, the Western guy was okay but they had to cut through the snacks for two hours to rescue the Vietnamese girl."

Myanmar is the place where "all the men wear skirts and they don't have good snacks...".

They don't want to go anywhere near any ethnic minorities, "because they eat strange things and they're uncivilized...". You say, "but you're an ethnic too ...just a majority". She half nods in vague agreement then relapses into silence and thinks about it for two days...

While holidaying in Thailand she goes off to the supermarket to buy an ice cream and you wonder why she's taking a long time. She comes strolling innocently back with no ice cream and a bag of fireworks, rockets peeking out of the top.

...and ...she'll have kept a secret supply in her pocket which you'll find out about when she throws bangers at you while you're having a shower. (I don't mean suasages)

You're not allowed to buy any fruit that's in season ..."What did you buy that for? They're really cheap...".

You watch Gandhi (the film) together. Her attitude to the principle of passive resistance is made clear just one third of the way into the film ..."bloody idiots! hit them, hit them!, ..." ... "I .

Bill Clinton very good; George Bush very bad...

On a map of the world Japan, Singapore, Thailand and Taiwan are right smack bang next to Vietnam. France and the UK are way off by the North Pole, Australia, USA? who cares! And China, despite recent border conflicts and 2000 years of shared culture, occupies a very indistinct position somewhere between the afore-mentioned.

You're studying a topographical map which displays icons for wild boar, crocodiles, monkeys, crabs, shellfish, lizards ...you have to point out the key three times before she accepts that the icons refer to the real living creatures as opposed to restaurants.

Any foreign country, with the exception of Cambodia, sounds like an attractive place to go and live.

You take her to the zoo and she asks the keeper: "how much for one of those done 7 ways for two people?" (I'm making this one up, it's not happened ...yet!)