They'll spend two hours of their time (worth 120$ per hour back home) traipsing round in the full heat of the day from shop to shop trying to find the last two DVDs on their list. You point them towards the Internet cafe where for $20 Amazon will ship them straight to their house and they'll be there waiting when they get home. "No no, this next shop will have them, sure...".

They'll want to make a special trip to your house to test every one of their 1$ rip off DVDs. In order to fit this into their timetable they'll miss the 3 for 1 happy hour, free cocktail and $10 seafood buffet and travel at the hottest part of the day risking life and limb through so much of the traffic they always complained about, then they have to rush back through the busiest traffic in order to get back to the hotel to return the motorbike on time and make last minute arrangements then find a restaurant that's still open...

They're absolutely amazed to see no bomb damage, no craters, no downed B52s all over the place, and that half the population aren't maimed or disfigured.

After just half an hour in the country they've totally ceased making references to VC, dioxin, Platoon, Born on the fourth of July, etc every time Vietnam is mentioned.

They'll think the little urchins who sell chewing gum, flowers and cigarettes are oh so cute...! Not realising that the sellers are muttering under their breath "f'ing cheap charlie..." in Vietnamese while paying close attention to that camera they've parked on the next seat.

They think your maid is the most charming, efficient, overworked, under paid person on earth. You are a good for nothing, insensitive, slave driver living the life of Riley. It takes the maid a week after they've gone to come down from her cloud and start doing things properly again.

They'll go out to buy a roll of toilet paper, air freshner and a gift of fruit for the maid, all at exhorbitant prices, and then reclaim the money out of the housekeeping kitty.

After three days they've stopped and chatted with about half the neighbourhood and they keep bringing back non-descript people they "just met in the street" (all of whom have a deeply suspicious interest in "taking tours" and "seeing charity shops").

After two days walking around the shops downtown they've already bumped into the guy who stamped their passport at immigration three times!

From spending a few hours in some Internet chat room before they came they'll know more gorgeous girls in the city than you've made acquaintance with in three years... And they manage to introduce you to six of them in two days. They'll talk of flying off to Nha Trang for a couple of days "to meet a few friends".

They're really popular at most of the establishments round town and they've established their host is known roundly as "cheap charlie never give tip...".

After three days they've consumed lizard, dog, snake, mouse, ...but you don't tell them until the last day!

Two or three Vietnamese babes will mysteriously appear at the airport to see them off.

They hand over their last $30 rather than save it for duty free 'cos one of the girls' mother's "really sick".

As a "thanks for having me" present they buy you a 2$ bottle of Dalat wine.

Before heading off to passport control they have to sprint back and ask brathlessly, "have you got $13 for airport tax, they don't take credit cards...".

For the next three months when you turn up at your usual haunts around town, the bar tender says, "oh you're Mike and James' friend!"